If I have learned one thing in life it is that love is the strongest thing we have in life. Without love we have no life. I can honestly say that I have and always will be in love. Even if you’re behind bars. I’m never giving up on you. I love you just the same with a broken heart through a piece of paper and my pen to write you with.

I feel like I’m going to end up doing something really fucking stupid one day. I don’t know how to handle this.

Nobody even understands how I feel right now. I could have just found out the worst news ever.

I always wondered when I would be able to love someone. I didn’t think it was possible because I felt so numb to life. I would do stupid things to myself to try and feel. To cope with a lot of nothing. Something that wasn’t even there. And through all of those times I never knew I was going to meet you. You came out of nowhere and those were the best days of my life. I don’t remember much of being younger just an angry mentally ill father and a mother that got sucked in for 17 years. I didn’t think it was possible for anyone to love such an awkward, confused girl when my own parents had such a wrong way of showing it. I don’t deserve you, I know. I can’t and refuse to ever stop loving you because you saved me from living in my own head. You showed me what it was to live not just exist. You let me feel something for once in my life and now I don’t want to let go of the one feeling I have felt. I know somewhere inside you’re hurting to, you run and run and run. But I want to spin in this messy love with you forever even if it hurts. 

You treat me like I’m your little fucking puppet. Go ahead, string me along since you care so much. Let’s see how much more I can take. Feeling is the worst thing in the world. My body aches, my head is throbbing, my appetite is gone, and so are you. Every kick in my belly screams your name. Why is it so bad to want to be loved back?

You have a hold of my feelings. I can’t believe you choose her. Yet your son is in my belly. I’ve never missed or loved someone so much in my life. I feel like I’m going to die. It was better when I felt nothing.

More than anything I want to forget about you. So badly. How though? How can I possibly do such a thing when your baby is in my belly. Your son is nothing to you. I don’t know where you moved to, how you’re doing, anything. It breaks my heart. I hate when people say your name. I just want to forget, please.